Tainted Read online

  He needs to stop thinking so damned much, and I frame his whiskered jaw with my hands and peer into his eyes. “I want to be with you. The case doesn’t matter, Holden. It’s just you and me, right here, right now. We’re the only ones in this room,” I say softly, urging him to concentrate on how we feel instead of reality.

  His eyes burn into mine, and I watch as that small hint of regret fades to lust. “Just you and me,” he agrees lowly.

  Before he can change his mind, I press my lips to his, kissing him hungrily. He comes alive beneath me, his tongue stroking mine as his hands urge my hips to move. I rise and fall against the bulge beneath his jeans as he slides his hands under my tank, searching for my breasts. Without stopping my seductive rocking, I release his face from where I’d still been framing his jaw with my hands. I break the kiss and lean back, stripping off my tank as he watches me with intense eyes. As soon as I’m bared to him, his attention shifts focus.

  I’m really liking this position, and I’m in the mood to continue being in charge. I press his shoulders back against the sofa so that he’s leaning back. His eyes lift to my face as I give him a naughty smile and move closer to him. I ease up onto my knees, bringing my pebble-hard nipples within inches of his face while I rub my aching core against his stomach.

  A groan rumbles through him as he captures one of the taunt buds and sucks it into his mouth. A shudder works its way through me as his tongue teases and swirls across the sensitive tip. I’m so turned on that I can feel my wetness saturating my panties.

  While his tongue works my nipple, his hands trail down to the waistband of my pants. In one slow but firm move, he pulls them down along with my panties, leaving me bared completely. It’s awkward having the fabric bunched around my thighs, so I move away from him and rise to my feet, shimming out of the fabric.

  Holden’s eyes hungrily run over all my curves. “Get over here,” he says hoarsely.

  I climb back onto his lap, and he wraps his arms around my rib cage and brings my breasts back to his face. Someone is definitely a breast man. His lips capture the bud that’d been neglected as one of his hands slide down to cup me between my legs.

  A groan escapes, and my head tilts back as I gently move my hips. I’m wet, and I can feel it sliding against his hand. As his thumb searches for my clit, he eases a finger up into my wetness.

  I momentarily still, savoring the sensation.

  Holden’s lips abruptly leave my breasts. His hooded eyes lock on mine and then slide down my body, taking in the sight of his finger buried between my wet folds. A shit-eating grin forms as he inserts a second finger, making me inhale sharply. His thumb gently begins to rub circles around my clit, and I can’t hold back anymore. I rise a few inches until I slide almost off his fingers, and then I drop back down, bringing them in deeper.

  “Oh yeah, again,” he says huskily.

  I spread my legs further, brace my hands on his bare shoulders and begin to move up and down. The sound of his fingers penetrating my wetness makes soft, suctioning noises that turn me on even more.

  “Holden,” I whimper as my hips begin to rise and fall faster.

  His eyes are heavy-lidded as he begins to meet my thrusts. I’m moving in abandon now as his thumb firmly presses against my clit, bringing me to the edge of ecstasy. I’m gasping and so close…

  “Not yet,” he growls, pulling his fingers from my depths.

  My eyes widen with surprise. “Whaaaat?” I ask with disbelief.

  “I want to be in you when you come,” he grits out as he quickly yanks his wallet out of his jeans and pulls out a condom.

  I’m anxious to have him inside me, and I ease back just a little so that he can yank down his jeans and briefs. They bunch around his knees as he tears open the condom and quickly slides it down his long, thick length. He then grabs my hips and positions me above him. I quickly sink down onto him, and we both groan in unison has he slides deep within me.

  There’s no stopping now, and I firmly grip his shoulders and begin to move. Holden’s hands settle on my hips as he guides me into a faster rhythm. I begin to pant as I press closer to him, catching his lips with mine. My thrusts become harder, and he makes a masculine sound of appreciation in the back of his throat as he pumps faster into me.

  I’m so close, and his tongue tangles with mine as his fingers dig into my hips. We’re both about to go, and a second later, I cry out into his mouth as he bucks up off the sofa, shoving himself into me in one hard thrust. My body melts as pleasure rocks throughout my body, and when Holden slowly eases his hips back onto the sofa’s cushion, mine follow until I am clinging limply to him.

  That was fucking amazing.

  We both hold each other as we calm from the sexual frenzy that had momentarily taken hold, and now we’re both left drained. Neither of us move for a while until I feel Holden shifting. Fabric drops to the floor, and then he swiftly rises to his feet, holding me close as my legs instinctively wrap around his hips. He’s still inside me, and I’m not ready to let him go yet.

  He carries me to the bed and gently slips out of me, causing me to make a disappointed sound. He chuckles and situates us under the blankets so that I’m tucked in the crook of his arm, my body turned towards his. I snuggle closer, pressing my naked curves against his hard body.

  I could stay like this forever.

  Holden presses a kiss to my temple as his hand begins caressing my back. We’re both quiet, enjoying the aftermath of what we’d just shared until he breaks the contented silence. “Why do you need the lights on at night?” he asks in a careful tone.

  We’ve grown closer during the past week, and I’d had a feeling that he might eventually want to pry deeper into the past and learn more about who I am today. As much as I hate talking about my demons, I know that I can trust him with them.

  He remains silent, rubbing my back as he waits to see if I’ll share the darkest parts of myself with him.

  His heart pounds calmly beneath my cheek, and it’s amazing how that sound alone can calm my soul. “I don’t like the dark,” I confess in a whisper. “It reminds me of the basement and the things that…I saw.”

  His chest rumbles as he says, “I’m sorry you had to go through what you did. No child should have to witness that.”

  “I was sixteen, not really a child,” I feel the need to remind.

  “Still a child, Ren.”

  I fall quiet for a moment, and then the words begin to tumble from my mouth. “I’m far from normal, Holden. I have a lot of issues that you have yet to see. You might not like me the more that you get to know me.”

  His hand stills on my back. “The woman you are today is the woman that has captured my attention. I’m not fantasizing about normalcy, because with my line of work, I can get called to a scene at all hours of the day or night. My life revolves around crime. I’ll never be the man in the suit with a normal job and a big family with a white picket fence. That’s not me.”

  “I don’t like chains. The sound can throw me into a panic attack,” I feel the need to warn.

  “I’m claustrophobic.”

  “You are?” I ask with surprise, lifting my head so I can peer at him.

  His eyes meet mine. “Yes. When I was a kid, I accidently locked myself in the trunk of my parents’ car when I was playing hide and seek with Ellie. I was stuck in that damned thing for five hours.”

  “How old were you?”

  “Seven.”

  I look at him with sympathy. “That must have been frightening for you.”

  “It was. Enclosed spaces make me break out into a cold sweat.”

  I bite my lip and reveal, “The cold reminds me of the basement. I can’t stand it. I’d rather sweat than feel chilled.”

  Holden brushes a strand of hair away from my cheek. “I can never wear the same pair of socks more than once,” he murmurs.

  My eyes widen, and I snort out a laugh from the unexpected confession. “Seriously?”

  He gives me a mild g
lare. “Are you laughing at me?”

  “Maybe just a little,” I muse. “What do you do? Throw them away after one use?”

  “Guilty. I buy socks by the bulk,” he confesses. His eyes turn squinty as he gives a mock shudder of disgust. “Don’t think I haven’t caught you snitching lime slices at the bar and eating them when no one’s looking.” His forehead crinkles. “How can you eat those?”

  My face reddens. I have a fondness for anything sour. Most of the time, I’m barely aware of stealing a lime slice here and there. “I don’t know. I just like them,” I say sheepishly.

  He chuckles. “I eat tomatoes like they’re apples,” he offers.

  “The scent of raw meat makes me sick to my stomach,” I blurt.

  Holden turns somber as he gazes at me. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he replies softly. Then, the corner of his mouth quirks. “And lucky for you, I enjoy all my meat well-done.”

  I’m floored that I’d revealed those things about myself and that I feel…good about it. Relieved, actually. And Holden isn’t looking at me like I’m borderline crazy. “Thank you,” I say quietly.

  His eyes search mine. “Ren, you’re you. We all have our likes, dislikes, and fears. That’s what makes us different. We can’t all be the same, that would be extremely boring.”

  As I gaze at him, I know I’m losing another piece of my heart to him. Being with Holden is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.

  He brushes my lip with the pad of his thumb. “When this is over, I’m going to show you what it truly means to live without reservations. No lurking danger from the past casting shadows on the present. Just an unwritten future full of possibilities.”

  “That sounds wonderful.”

  “You’re going to experience it.” His expression turns wicked as he shifts, and I let out a gasp of surprise as he physically flips me over onto my stomach, his lips grazing my shoulder.

  I shiver as his hands stroke my back and slide down my hips. “Already?” I ask huskily.

  “I recover quickly, and I’m not wasting a single minute of being in your bed.”

  Twenty

  Ren

  I adjust the earring in my ear—the one with the microchip tracker. I’m nervous about putting the plan into action, but I’m trying to hide it, especially since Holden’s already on edge. Although he and the others will always know my location, the reality is I’ll still be on my own, and it doesn’t sit well with him.

  Holden’s pacing the living room, his phone pressed to his ear as he speaks with his lieutenant. “Everything up and running?” He listens for a moment. “Good.” Another pause. “Right.” He ends the call and glances my way, catching me watching him. He tosses the phone onto the sofa, masking his feelings. “Do you have any questions?”

  My mouth is incredibly dry as I shake my head, struggling to conceal my fear. I tell myself that I can do this. After all, it was my suggestion in the first place.

  Holden moves to the sofa and opens the gun case he’d brought with him. I watch as he pulls out a familiar looking gun. After loading it and verifying the safety is on, he walks over and holds it out to me. “This is the gun you’ve been practicing with. Keep the safety on at all times and keep it hidden unless you have a clean shot to immobilize, not kill.” His eyes hold mine, and he says deliberately, “But if you are out of options, aim for his head and do what you need to survive.”

  The gun’s familiar weight in my palm comforts me. “Where should I put it?”

  His eyes give me a once-over as he inspects me. “For now, your purse. If you get stopped on the way, keep it close. If you’re not in the car, the gun should be on you, got it?”

  “Got it.”

  “Hopefully we’ll be the ones to take him down so that you don’t have to. Are you all packed?” he asks.

  I mutely nod.

  He moves closer and frames my face with his warm hands, his eyes boring into mine. “You’re coming back to me,” he says with absolute conviction.

  “Holden…” I want to say something, and yet I don’t know what I want to say. Sensing that I’m at a loss for words, he presses his lips to mine, giving me a long, deep kiss. Leaving is going to be harder than I’d thought, especially after last night and this afternoon. All I want is to bring this plan to a halt and spend the night in bed with him again.

  Holden slowly breaks the kiss and glances at his watch. “It’s almost time.”

  With great reluctance, we enter my darkened room where my packed bag is waiting beside my purse. They’re situated against the wall, out of view from the windows. I reach for the purse and slip the gun inside. My stomach is tense, and I draw in a deep breath and slowly exhale.

  “I won’t be far,” Holden vows.

  I manage to pull together a smile for him. “I know.”

  His eyes search mine. “Did you get enough sleep earlier?” he presses.

  My lips curve into a more natural smile. We’d had sex, and then he’d insisted I try to sleep since I wouldn’t be getting any tonight. Much to my surprise, I’d slept for three hours. “I’ll be fine,” I assure.

  His eyes never waver from mine. “Ren, you’re stronger than you realize. Remember that.”

  A loud voice coming from down below in the parking lot filters in from the open windows on either side of the corner room. I usually leave the windows open unless I’m going to bed, and through the screens, we can hear someone going off on a drunken tirade.

  Holden had told me that they’d hired an actor to cause a commotion and pull a gun on the officers that have been surveilling the building. Everything needs to look credible, and the task force keeping an eye on me would need a valid reason for not seeing me slip away.

  The thundering sound in my ears is my pounding heart, and I know my cue is coming. My eyes lock on Holden’s, and we stare at each other for a long moment until his cell phone breaks the tension.

  “That’s your cue.” Before I can move, he quickly steps forward and presses a quick kiss to my lips. “See you soon,” he whispers.

  “Soon,” I echo softly.

  He backs away from me, staying in the shadows so that he can’t be seen from either of the windows if anyone’s using a scope to look in.

  Knowing my time is limited, I grab the bag and purse and hurry for the window that overlooks the side yard of the building, hiding me from view of the parking lot. I’m acutely aware of Holden standing against the wall, watching. I don’t dare look back. I’m supposed to be running from him and the others. If my father is going to believe this, I need to act the part.

  I carefully ease the screen upwards and awkwardly climb out the window. There is no fire escape, so it’s going to be tricky making my way down to the lower level. Thankfully, there’s a little ledge for me to place my feet on, and as long as I follow that, it’ll lead me to the pipes that run vertically up the side of the building. The bag and purse are weighing me down a little, but I can easily move thanks to my jeans, tee, and sneakers.

  I shuffle along, clinging to the wall until I reach the pipes. Then, I shimmy down them until my feet touch the ground. The raised voices in the parking lot are much louder now, and I keep low to the shadows as I scurry across the dry grass and peek around the corner. The officers are on the opposite side of the parking lot, their backs facing much of the lot as they cuff the actor, pinning him to their car.

  I dart out from the cover of the building and rush over to my car, using the key to open the door instead of the key fob. Once I’m in the driver’s seat, I turn on the engine and keep the headlights off. With shaking hands, I turn the wheel and back out of the parking space before exiting the parking lot and switching on the headlights.

  It’s done.

  I merge with traffic as I try to control my racing heart. All my instincts are warning me to go back to Holden. I’m leaving behind the only person that matters to me, and it hurts.

  Twenty-one

  Holden

  I stand in Ren’s bedroom, still ro
oted to the spot. Watching her leave had been like a punch to the gut. I’d promised her over and over that I’d keep her safe, and now that she’s gone, my instincts are screaming to go get her. If something goes wrong, I’m going to be accountable for losing her because I’d agreed to this. Christ, is this how Ren feels about the victims? I can’t imagine this kind of weight pinning a person down daily. It just opens my eyes further to Ren and everything she goes through just to get through a single day.

  Abruptly, I come back to reality and push aside the heaviness in my chest as I switch my shirt for an old, ratty tee. An unmarked vehicle will be picking me up in a few minutes, and we don’t want to tip off Donahue that this was all just a ruse. I’m not a fan of baseball caps, but I slip it on and holster my guns—one at my back, and the other in my ankle holster.

  I’m careful to lock Ren’s apartment behind me, and then I make my way to the back exit of the building. Right on time, the unmarked SUV pulls up, and I quickly climb in, closing the door. It was imperative we allow Ren to get a few miles ahead of us, and we’ll track her location while remaining far from sight.

  Bruggs is driving, and Harris is in the passenger seat. Martinez and the others will meet up with us shortly and follow behind. I adjust the baseball cap and hope to God that this goes according to the plan. I hate putting Ren in danger, but she’s the only way to draw Donahue out.

  My gut clenches as I recall her expression when she’d been caught in a nightmare the other day. She’s slowly beginning to allow me beyond the walls that she’d erected around herself. But now she’ll be facing her demons, and I’m concerned how it’ll affect her. She’s already been through so much…

  “You’re awfully quiet,” Harris comments from the passenger seat.

  I shrug. “Not much to say.”

  Harris nods and turns forward, eyes refocusing on the laptop in front of him.